MORE MOM MADNESS WITH MISSY

You were young and married, storming the university campuses, sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with a new generation of leaders. You thrived on the excitement and challenge of proclaiming the truth and upsetting the world, just like the apsotles in Acts 17:6. Then a couple of kids and stretch marks later, your world is the one that seems upside down! Enjoy the ride as we pick up where Missy left off last week with the joys and agonies of being a staff mom:

"So I love my life as a mom on staff. And I hate it. Maybe hate is too strong of a word, but when I’m sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor crying because I feel pulled in a hundred different directions (hypothetical situation, of course), it seems to fit. I struggle each time we need to pack up our lives to go away for one week or six. Just ask my husband about the time the car was all packed for spring break in Panama City (I think there was even a child already strapped in a car seat) when I dramatically announced that I wasn’t going. I couldn’t handle the stress. Let’s just say I married a patient man. We went, by the way. I struggle as the one who needs to set a peaceful, secure atmosphere in our home when life feels chaotic and we’re not even in our home. Hotels are great and all, just not so much as a home. I struggle when we get to our destination to help my children adjust to the reality of living in a different world when all they want is to be home. I struggle with re-entry stress every time we return home to 'real life' after a summer or week-long conference away. I struggle that my son keeps begging to be in baseball and I keep saying that I don’t think that will work out.


"The traveling isn’t the only struggle. I struggle when we have short paychecks. I struggle when I have to explain what we do to someone who has the 'deer in the headlights look.' I still have a dear, old friend who consistently asks me, 'So how are things with the Church Crusades?' And then there was the time at my high school reunion when I was trying to explain what we do to a rather inebriated old friend. I said, 'It’s kind of like my husband is a campus pastor.' To which she replied, loudly as drunk people like to do, 'YOUR HUSBAND IS A CAMPUS BAST@#D?!' True story. Sorry about the language. The thing is, I don’t like feeling like a freak. And sometimes, with this job, I feel like a freak.

"And one last area of struggle is how to balance life on staff with being a mom. I am so thankful for the freedom Campus Crusade for Christ gives moms to make families their first priority. The thing is, I’m not so great at that. I often tend to meet needs outside of my home before focusing on the needs right in front of me. I never want my children to think I love this ministry more than I love them, and I know I have failed at times. I struggle every time my kids are home and I leave to go on campus or to a meeting. It has been my practice, since I’ve had kids, to have one afternoon a week on campus. This has been a good challenge for me. But it is always hard to leave my children. And it was especially hard to walk on campus when 8 months pregnant. You stand out a bit in such a state. But I think it was harder still for the poor students who had to walk around with me! I didn’t feel like I connected with working moms because of the privilege I was given to stay home. But I didn’t always connect with the stay-at-home moms, who didn’t understand why I was preparing for a Bible study that started at 9 pm or why I was on the phone again with a broken-hearted student. In short, apart from other staff moms (YOU WOMEN HAVE GIVEN ME SANITY!!!), I didn’t always feel like my life as a mom on staff gave me a place to belong.

"The bottom line is, whether I am in love or hate mode with my life as a staff mom, this is my life. And it is a gift from God. I want to embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly and trust that Jesus will meet my needs. I want to resist the temptation to compare myself to the moms who seems to have better margin in their lives or richer family nights or fatter staff accounts or more consistent workouts or more fruitful ministry. This is the life He has given to me. And He intends for it to be abundant. What’s not to love about that?"

Special thanks to our guest blogger Missy Kollar, pictured with husband Bill and their lads Jack and Tate and fair lass Emma, who serves and blesses the GPI region as our Mom's coordinator.